Ground Control

‎I’ve gone from ‘patingin tingin, walang ibang pera kundi pamasahe’ to traveling to places I long dreamed about. I still can’t afford expensive things, but who wants that?, as long as I could travel on a stringent budget and see more of the world, I’ll call it as living. I wont be singing “nakakainip ang ganitong buhay” anymore.

I know its tough for you, with all the tragedy unfurling around, the madness of the aftermath and the mayhem of what ensued in that supposedly quiet midnight. The grief you’re feeling is something I could never comprehend. While my biggest setbacks this year is nothing compared to what that single hour of nature’s wrath has brought upon you, I feel for you and believe me when I say that you deserve better. Better days, perhaps better years.

Only time will tell how long you’d be able to heal the wounds of such violent rupture of mother earth. The loss of love ones, in a scenario so unreal and unwarranted, takes the life from even those who survived it.

Again, I could never picture it. As glued I am to the news on TV there is no method to that kind of madness. I will be merry this Christmas with my family, and the thought that you will be spending it without your love ones, strikes a deeper pain in my vein. How I wish there are words, or other forms of comfort that could lessen your pain. But sadly, there are none.

Starting now, I would refrain from complaining bout mundane and silly things such as the traffic. I would not mind falling in line and wasting my precious time staring into nothingness. For all of these inanities are nothing compared to what you went through.

How I wish I could say “Merry Christmas” but today isn’t the right moment - for what has transpired takes the life even those who only stood witness to all of it through the news. What more if it was you. Seeing the life of your love ones gets swallowed by the rampaging flood. Its unimaginable and a cruel fate that this world has bestowed.

But, there is light at the end of it all. If not today, there will be someday. I wish and pray for fervently, that come Christmas day, you will experience something wonderful, a peace of mind even for an hour. You deserve a Merry Christmas brother, sister and my dear countryman. 

I will celebrate mine with my family, will stay home and read a book in the peaceful comforts of my home. But still, nothing will change what you had to go through just to recover from this terrible tragedy. I could not do anything nor explain the contrast in our fate. Hang on my brother, sister and dear countryman. I wish I could say, “it will get better in time”.

I really wish. I’m praying. That better days awaits those who have suffered much. 

A barker egging you to take a bus bound for Batangas Pier when you’re just on your way to take a piss on the nearby electric post, is annoying. Taking a piss anywhere other than the comfort room, is awkward. Its both awkward and annoying things, you don’t wanna have something to do about.

And here I am being one. Just because I’m enveloped with feelings I maybe faulting for the four letter word and is itching like a dog bitten wound asking for a Merthiolate, to have it known to you, that I fancy you like a roaring warrior goddess.

My silent ninja assassin self is out of masks and silent moves. I now walk with squeaky wooden flooring following me around. I can still walk horizontally across walls BUT only for 0.45 tenths of a second. 

All because of your awesome self my ninja moves is now reduced to a bumbling B-movie bad guy. Think Luis Guzman romancing a Sandra Bullock. 

It is a perfect match by a million miles, but things do go crazy and with that. I rest assured myself that I’ll still have the chance to catch your heart naks!.

from my old blog: 

Walking in earnest under neon lights of streets about to be eaten alive by daylight. The last remnants of darkness are creeping away like a stench in a truck filled with trash. The smell of decay, pissed off world and the loitering street bedfellows who turns the whole city as their palace. Sleep here and there, frolick there and here, almost unrecognizable and unnoticed in their darkened faces and rumshackled features.

The bumpy ride home was good, sleep was not an option you need to see through it, the blurred images of Metropolitan Theater, almost forgotten and the towering post office building, with in this day and age of emails, electronic communication devices, YM’s, a handwritten mail is almost as scarce as the world’s endangered species.

Passing through Avenida, closed establishments and drunks walking along, women in skimpy skirts going home from a hard night job, their own version of “just another day at the office” of needling with horny men and downing ladies drink, which in reality is just a bottle of beer worth 7 times its price.

I remember when i was working in a fastfood joint back in college, payday we went to this pub, the mama-san signaled me for a lady companion, i agreed, 3 hours later and she consumed 5 ladies drink at 150.00 apiece. That cost me 750.00 plus the ones i consumed. I went home broke as my salary for my fastfood gig was just a little over a thousand bucks.

I was happy though. Those are the ones that i try to look back to and realizing one can never be down and out. Just the way and manner in which i see the world every freaking 4:30 AM, just as the sun was about to show up and the night to fold away, waiting again for another 12 hours to show us the darkness.

I feel alive just by virtue of understanding that while i struggle to keep awake, i am struggling at the same time to timid my life into a basic sense of the world which i exist in. It is never boring, never tireless as there are a million things to suit my interest, my ever watching eyes, my mind to prowl upon and try to make sense in all umbiquotous madness and orgasms alike.

I’m living just enough to kickstart my life with a kick on my head while I’m lying dead cold on the pavement.

After more than 350 blog entries on my now dormant “Multiply” page, I’ve gotten tired of writing a personal blog. I’m now more active writing and meshing out personal narratives with my traveling on my travel blog. But since most of what happens in my life still occupies that gray area between my traveling, sadly that area is wider than the highlighted ones. My boring life stretches far in between with those when I’m on the road.

Though, a masterplan is still locked in place somewhere in my mind to finally live that ‘on the road’ phase of my life. I penciled it as the 5 year period wherein I could die the day after I fulfill it all. 

Until then, here I am participating in the game bullshitters plays. I go to a job which a co-worker describes as “one that lacks corporate ladder” It’s a dead-end job where the only way you’d advance is to see the man signing your paycheck go. But if that happens, then you know the whole company goes as well. 

But, I’m not disturbed by the case of the missing corporate ladder. I’ve taken myself out of that rat race years ago. If ever, I’m having a count down to the day where I could just leave everything behind and hit the road like I’ve always envisioned it to be.

Something though is still pulling my feet to remain. Economics, the uncertainty of the US-led global economy that preaches people to buy things they don’t need - so they’d end up owing financial companies the cost of the thing they purchased plus 15% interest rate.

Anyway, now that I’m on a roll writing a non-travel related blog, my boss is calling for an emergency meeting. Yeah the boss who owns the uppermost spot on the org-chart. I hope the topic wont be about downsizing coz I’m not yet ready to hang my “corporate” costume and set out a life on the road. YET. Though that day will come and I will be laughing hahahahahahahahahaha!

Ben Tumbling was the nickname of a notorious outlaw whose life of tumbling down the path of lawlessness was made into a movie in the 80’s starring Lito Lapid. Just like the crazy gun fight scenes in that movie and the Jackie Chan-esque moves by Lito Lapid of flying and rolling down in slow motion sequences that is clearly a cinematic enigma by then - years ahead of the John Woo - pegged Hong Kong movies in the 90’s, I’ve come tumbling back to Tumblr.

photo grabbed from: http://josephduque.blogspot.com/2008/02/ben-tumbling-malabon-cemetery.html

I remember my late father almost every day, at some random moment the thought of him often crosses my mind, whether I see someone smoking I’d say to myself “smokes hell like my father”. There are instances when I wonder if he is happy with how things turned out in my life. I remember he used to play “palm reader” and would tell me “ah, these two straight lines on your palm means you’re going to be a millionaire”

Here I am 30 years old and I’m 999,000 Pesos short of becoming a millionaire. He passed away in 1997 - it’s been 13 years and been gone for almost half of my life. I’m used to it - but once in a while when I think of him, I make sure I do so with fond and with more appreciation of all the good things he’s done to us.

I have other relatives whom I also remember from time to time, my maternal grandmother being one. I’ve had this early memory of going home to my grandparents’ old house in Bulacan and the first person I’ll see was my lola looking out the window. I’ll sit beside her bed while she talks about the good ole times, her hobby of going to the market wherein according to her “everything you need is right there”. She passed away in 1987 at the age of 86. My maternal grandfather passed away in 1980.

5 of my mother’s siblings have already passed away through the years. Auntie Leonor in 1983 when I was still too young to remember, Tito Bayani in 1986, Tito Juan - the eldest of em all died in early 2000, my beloved Auntie Carol succumbed to cancer in 2003 and Tito Tony died in the states sometime in mid 2000’s.

I’ve also cousins who died young due to sickness, some close and a few distant ones. Friends who died young as well. Just this year I lost a former officemate and friend, Fae who died suddenly last February, another workmate and friend, Anabel died January of the previous year.

The Beatles wrote a song that aptly describes my feelings about these departed ones whom I miss from time to time. They all came to this world overlapping with our own time, they left before us but before they did, they left a trail of wonderful memories, images and moments that made us feel alive just by their presence and sat with us at some point in our journey.

“There are places I remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain

All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends
I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all”

Enough said.